how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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