FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
