but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
