I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
