If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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