just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
