That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
