So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
