yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
