His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
