you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
