Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
