Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
another moral hangover. fuck.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
