I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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