Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
