i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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