She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
