when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize