Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
