Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
