then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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