i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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