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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
