At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
