Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize