All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
