Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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