I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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