Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
