i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize