I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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