Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
