How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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