4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Already got asked if we're dating
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
