my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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