yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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