READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
