He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
