We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize