So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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