after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
