hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
