apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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