I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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