i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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