this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
