She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
