we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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