You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
