Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
