Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
