so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
