words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
