saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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