I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bring me that man meat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
