you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
