a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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