I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
