dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
