she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
