and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
