Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
