I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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