I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then he tried to convert me to islam
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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