i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
