i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
