So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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