Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
