Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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