she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
