He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
