WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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