sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
