I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize