Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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