I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
