I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
