Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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