i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
