Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
