do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
