I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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