That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
