Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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